Oh gosh!!! what a week of hell it's been!!
This bulk phase has been really screwing with my mind and emotional state.
All this eating, eating, eating and MORE EATING!!! only makes me feel like I'm getting bigger...BALLOONING!! popping out of this universe!!
gahhh someone just yoink my brains out so I don't think, just do!
So this week was a bit of a downer yes the whole version of; the world is against me, I'll never see the light at the end of the tunnel, blah blah bull cr*p.....
I got through all my workouts and all my eating but my motivation and positivity was missing....During my training sessions I wasn't all hyper and high, full of joy as I usually would be. I was just there because I knew I had to do it. So I did.
Every meal I ate, I was assessing and obsessing how many calories was in each bite and if my body would just lose more if I didn't eat this extra meal.....So many times this week I was close to just giving up and reverting back to the old days of not eating - the cowardly escape.
I think what I forgot about this week is patience and faith and trust in myself - my two major problems.....
I train and train and I just want it now! and when it doesn't I convince myself that it will never happen. That's when I lose the faith and believe that it won't happen eventually.
I just have to trust that it will happen so long as I keep putting in that 150% ..FOCUS!!!
On the brighter side all this heavy lifting and food loading has definitely given my muscles a pump! They aren't lean because that isn't the focus of this phase but boy oh boy I feel like I could take out a couple of *I probably shouldn't write what I was about to write* haha...
Anyway so today was my check in day (EXTREMELY APPREHENSIVE, almost cancelled) but thank goodness! I maintained in size despite eating over my maintenance calorie intake.(Hopefully it's all going to my muscles) I'm extremely happy with this!! From eating only 800 calories a day to 1900 I think that's an achievement on it's own. *A pat on the back for me*
This week I'm going to try and disconnect a little with my brain as it tends to screw me up a tad =S Focus on what's in the plan and take it